My estranged wifes birthday was this past week. I gave her a card to wish her well. Afterwords, I ask if she got the card. She says, she was amazed I remembered. She says this same thing everytime I give her a card or a gift for special occasions. It's like an old joke that's not funny and hasn't been that way for a long time? She has to make almost everything a put-down.
I had this discussion with my therapist today. I made mistakes throughout my marriage. I take responsibility for my misdeeds. But looking back, Ilene has pushed me down throughout my marriage. I started looking back at what I was before I married Ilene.
I talked to an old dear friend of mine this past week. I had not spoken to this person in over 22 years. It was good to hear from this person. Married. No Kids. Still living in the house this person grew up in. Our conversation was great, and I was happy that life and given this couple happiness. They too had gone through similar health issues that we had gone through. They conquered their problems and remained married. Diabetes and Depression goes hand in hand and they overcome those issues. They had no kids because of health problems. My friends spouse had the problem.
I was glad to hear that through it all, they were still together, and happy. I feel more and more that we (thank God) are the exception, and not the rule. I'm glad to hear that people like George and Barbara, Debbie and Gene, GerriLynne and Dennis, and and my friend have learned to not only deal with the difficulties of life, but also to encourage each other and grow.
As I told my therapist I love Ilene but I won't let her push me down and hold my head under water any more. I hope that in the future, she learns not to put people down, but instead to lift them up. Elevate them to go on to greater things.
Imagine what I could have accomplished had I been encouraged, first by my parents and then later by my wife. 51 years of being told you can't do this, you can't do that. You're not good enough, you are forgetful, you're not capable, we can't afford ......no, no, no......down, down, down.............
I have to start listening to the messages God gives me. I need to stop listening to the nay sayers. I need to start listen to the voices that I should have listened to ages ago.
I need to stop making the mistakes that I've made by not listening to the messages that are being sent to me from God. I am setting my goals high and marching forward.
I had this discussion with my therapist today. I made mistakes throughout my marriage. I take responsibility for my misdeeds. But looking back, Ilene has pushed me down throughout my marriage. I started looking back at what I was before I married Ilene.
- I had been in 49 of the 50 United States.
- I was a published Writer.
- I had a play I wrote produced by a local theatre group.
- I had learned computer hardware and software by teaching myself. (Courses to learn that stuff didn't exist)
- I developed computer systems for a large defense contractor.
- When I left that company, I was replaced by a department.
- At 13 I had a business mowing lawns in the summer and shoveling walks in the winter.
- At 15 I was working fulltime in the produce business and by 18 I was running my own produce business at flea markets 5 days a week and driving into da Bronx 2 days a week to pickup fresh produce.
- I had learned auto mechanics in BOCES (3 years). I spent me spare time rebuilding old cars. My favorites were Ford Fairlanes and Falcons.
- Even while I was in the Marine Corps I kept writing. I wrote for the base newspaper when stationed at Marine Barracks Hawaii.
- Barracks Duty is plush cushy duty and highly sought out. I came out the top of my class in Admin School and had choice duty station.
I talked to an old dear friend of mine this past week. I had not spoken to this person in over 22 years. It was good to hear from this person. Married. No Kids. Still living in the house this person grew up in. Our conversation was great, and I was happy that life and given this couple happiness. They too had gone through similar health issues that we had gone through. They conquered their problems and remained married. Diabetes and Depression goes hand in hand and they overcome those issues. They had no kids because of health problems. My friends spouse had the problem.
I was glad to hear that through it all, they were still together, and happy. I feel more and more that we (thank God) are the exception, and not the rule. I'm glad to hear that people like George and Barbara, Debbie and Gene, GerriLynne and Dennis, and and my friend have learned to not only deal with the difficulties of life, but also to encourage each other and grow.
As I told my therapist I love Ilene but I won't let her push me down and hold my head under water any more. I hope that in the future, she learns not to put people down, but instead to lift them up. Elevate them to go on to greater things.
Imagine what I could have accomplished had I been encouraged, first by my parents and then later by my wife. 51 years of being told you can't do this, you can't do that. You're not good enough, you are forgetful, you're not capable, we can't afford ......no, no, no......down, down, down.............
I have to start listening to the messages God gives me. I need to stop listening to the nay sayers. I need to start listen to the voices that I should have listened to ages ago.
I need to stop making the mistakes that I've made by not listening to the messages that are being sent to me from God. I am setting my goals high and marching forward.
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